You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
