When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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