hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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