I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
