i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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