the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We had to coat check the pizza.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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