Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
