I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
