WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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