You're my little dorito
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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