About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
