Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
