This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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