do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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