Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
