I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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