i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
