I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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