I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
