You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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