so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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