I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
