she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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