I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
