To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's like heaven, but drunker
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
