Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
