New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize