last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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