Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
