I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
