we have pet lesbian snakes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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