just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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