He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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