apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.