at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.