just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
