I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
