look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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