Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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