just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
