Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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