My sheets look like a crime scene.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
