So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
