I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
