: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
