Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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