just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
