the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize