I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
