I wish I could teleport
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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