I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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