OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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