We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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