Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize