You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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