No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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