Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
