I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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