he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
