why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
