Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
