When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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