what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
