My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
