I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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