His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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